Source
January 20, 2009
“Tina, over here!” the paparazzi yelled out from all different directions as I stood on the red carpet to my latest movie premiere. The fans began chanting “Tina”. Smiling at my fans and mouthing “Thank You”. I grabbed my husband, Jeff’s hand as I was quickly directed to the lobby of the movie theater where they immediately had me sit down to sign some autographs.
Glancing over to the small TV stationed in the lobby of the theater I could not help but recognize Sarah Palin as well as John McCain on the screen. With a sigh, I realize that it is January 20, 2009…Inaugural Day in Washington.
McCain had won the 2008 presidential election on November 4th after a close race with Barack Obama. It once again hit me that I would be impersonating for four very long years. Focusing back on my fans for who I was autographing I let myself forget about it.
Eventually it came time to play my film. Usually I stay back and let the director and whoever else wants to have the chance to talk about the movie but this movie is near and dear to my heart. I stood in front of the audience and talked about the movie.
In the midst of thanking the numerous people that had a role in making the movie possible as well as pushing me to be the best I could be, I winked in my husband’s direction. I suddenly felt dizzy and felt as if I was being sucked backwards….
* * *
When I looked up again I was no longer in California at a movie premiere…in front of me were thousands of people dressed up in tuxes and cocktail dresses staring expectantly at me. I was no longer in the burgundy dress designed especially for me by my designer David Meister. Instead, I’m in an itchy, green dress that I would never have chosen for myself.
Looking to my left and right, I see John McCain, his wife Cindy as well as Todd Palin. Craning my neck I try to find Sarah Palin but she is nowhere in sight. Worried I look down and see a typed speech and realize the glasses I have on are not the cute stylish black framed ones I had chosen out years ago instead they are exactly like the ones in the prop room of SNL that I wear when I am…. oh no..
Smiling nervously I quickly skim the paper and start to ramble. I begin speaking normally and when I begin to receive strange looks I realize my error, I quickly transition to my Sarah Palin voice and everyone looked a lot more comfortable. “Thank you for inviting me and let’s get this dance party started!” I winked hoping I would get back to my movie premiere but no such luck as I made my way and sat down next to Todd.
“Great job,” he whispered, kissing me on the cheek. I simply smiled and nodded as John and Cindy took the dance floor for the first official dance of the Inaugural Ball. Before I knew it Todd was taking my hand and pulling me to the dance floor. I could only hope that Sarah was not a closet So You Think You Can Dance fan and a fabulous dancer. I could hold my own but who knows what Todd had up his sleeve.
I did not have to worry because the dancing did not last long. One slow dance and I was off to schmooze with various political people. As I made my way around the room saying hello I realized how many political figures in our government I did not know. They all greeted me as if we had been best friends for the longest time, which I knew could not possibly be true since she was governor in Alaska and not a DC insider. They asked after the kids who unfortunately, I did not even know the names to. I finally sat down for a minute, kicking off my heels to rub my uncomfortable feet. Sarah could’ve at least had comfortable shoes since her dress was so uncomfortable, I muttered to myself only to see John McCain looking at me strangely. I quickly slipped my shoes back on and sat up straight.
A waiter came over and whispered that there was a phone call for me in the hallway. I quickly excused myself and was led to the phone.
“Mom, it’s me!” yelled a girl’s voice over a crying baby and a crying kid.
“What’s going on?”
“Well Trig won’t stop crying so Piper started whining and I got mad then she started to cry…” the girl trailed off helplessly.
“Well, sweetie, did you try feeding Trig and apologizing to Piper?” She named her kid Trig? Seriously?
“I’ve tried everything!”
“How about singing?” I blurted out.
“Will you sing to him?” she begged. I began to panic because I do not have the best singing voice and what if the kid just kept on crying because he could just instinctively know that it was not his mom. I quietly began to sing Hush Little Baby and that immediately quieted both of the kids.
“Thanks Mom,” the girl whispered hanging up the phone as I heaved a sigh of relief.
“Who was that?” Todd questioned as soon as I came back into the ball room.
“Just the kids, don’t worry they’re fine,” he nodded happily.
“You heard from Track today, right?” Wait a minute...she named a kid Track too?
“Yes,”
“He sounded good don’t you think?”
“Uh huh,”
“I know you’re worried about him, he’ll be fine.” Worried I was going to bomb this conversation was more like it I looked around for distractions and saw John McCain coming over, another person I would not want to talk to. I quickly excused myself and made a beeline for the ladies room.
Leaning against the sink I stared into the mirror wondering how long I would have to pretend to be Sarah Palin. I didn’t really mean I would get sick of playing her at SNL! I thought frantically trying to appease the Gods and let me get back to my life. Maybe, just maybe being Sarah Palin was harder than I thought. I winked in the mirror thinking again that was the key to going back to California but nothing happened, with a sigh I went back to the ballroom hoping the night would get easier and that I would return to my life shortly.
The rest of the night I continued to play the part, pretending I was on SNL, only more serious than funny. I did not think any lifeline or Joe Six Pack references would get me anywhere with this crowd. I faked my way through racking my brain to remember names, which occasionally I did but other times I simply fake smiled.
Eventually the evening was winding down both Todd and I said our good-byes. As I was leaving there were paparazzi calling out “Sarah, over here!”. I smiled and had a sense of déjà vu from earlier that day at my movie premiere. I posed for a few pictures but then Secret Service ushered us into the limo.
We got into the limo where Todd talked and I simply listened. I took in the sights of Washington…I had not had a chance to visit in quite a while. Todd began talking about how nice the Vice President’s mansion would be to make a home. Apparently they had already decided to have a “family zone” similar to Al Gore’s tenure in the mansion on the second floor with no secret service.
Once we arrived back at the hotel we checked on the kids, three of whom were asleep (Willow, Piper and Trig) with Bristol was up watching television baby-sitting the brood (Todd had said all their names at the hotel, I caught on quickly). We tucked them all in and we began to get ready for bed. I had no idea what Sarah’s routine was so I just did my routine as closely as possible before getting into bed. While lying in the hotel room, I could only hope that when I woke up I would be in my own bed with my own husband and child. I closed my eyes and drifted off to dreamland….
* * *
Waking up I was immediately comforted by the familiar scent of my covers smelling like my laundry detergent. I had never been as happy as I was in that moment. Doing the SNL skits impersonating Sarah Palin is completely different from having her life being a hockey mom vice-president is definitely tougher than I could ever imagine! Luckily as I go downstairs and start making breakfast with my husband I lead a life that I love but I think the Sarah Palin skits are over, I don’t ever want to wind up stuck in her life, can you imagine? If I had trouble one night in her shoes, I could never, ever be her permanently.
No comments:
Post a Comment